The Adventures of Lil Mouse

Well, this is it folks, no more being accountable..well, maybe not. The point is that I learned a few things over the month. I really thought about why I’m so negative, and although I can’t say I won’t ever feel bad about my growing up years again, I can say that I’m putting them behind me. I continue to strive every day to be a better wife and mother, while figuring out what being that all means with who I USED to be. I have done a bit of exercising here and there. I did a lot of heavy lifting and stairs yesterday getting boxes up and things packed for the move. That’s exercise in itself. Is it the usual exercise like weight machines and treadmills? No. But I will not afford that type of thing. I will focus my efforts on saving to try and get into our own house. So far, we’re doing pretty good. By moving we’re cutting our budget and making it easier to look for property closer to where we actually want to live. Which is nice. April? While it has been stressful, and I’ll be glad that it’s over.. let’s just say I’m making peace with the past. Bring on the May flowers!

27 5/8 inches tall
17 lbs 12 1/2 oz
16 1/2 inch head circ.

She’s OVER the 97%ile for height, a more conservative 85%ile in weight, and 60%ile for head circ. So she might be tall for her age, but it doesnt give her a big head. Ha ha..

Anyway, she cried for both the doctor and the nurse, hey they poked her, so why not? And of course the shots weren’t that great, but she pulled through better than the last 2 times she’s had shots, so all the better. No need to nurse her through the ouchies even. All in all, not too bad.

My blog may be offline over the weekend. So if you read here periodically, you may find that the site comes up as ‘not found’, but it will be found, eventually! I’ve looked back at the last few posts and I know it seems a lot of doom and gloom, or at least pissed-offedness, but I hope that turns around pretty soon. If you’ve thought of me in the last couple of days, the word stress probably hazes your vision in a sea of red tide.

Once we move, I will have a bit more breathing room, hopefully the neighbors will be better, and of course in theory it will do 3 things: lower our rent by about half, get us closer to family, and allow us to save and look for land. So that’s 4 things, not counting that I will be able to drive again which will keep me from feeling so much like a caged animal. It’s not that I LIKE to drive, it’s that I am forced not to here, so it is confining. Tune in for 6 month check up details!

Hoosier Girl over at The Coffee Table wants to know: what do you consider important to a good marriage or relationship? Tell us a story of something endearing about your marriage or your parents’ marriage. Include any wedding pictures or images of love that remind you of what a good relationship should be.

Okay, I’ve only been married shy of 8 years, but here’s what I’ve learned: There are many myths, one of them is ‘love means never having to say you’re sorry’ another is ‘never go to bed angry’ — sometimes you just have to go to sleep and see how it is in the morning. And communication, including apologies, is a key component. Even if you have to send your spouse an email, because you’re too angry or frustrated to speak your mind clearly, after all, you can’t hit backspace when you’re talking out loud, it’s better than ignoring the elephant in the room. You know what happens when you ignore the elephant? There’s elephant crap all over the floor and someone gets hurt.�

There are a few truths, though: The Golden Rule, and dancing in your living room every once in a while, and if it won’t matter in 5 years, just talk about it and get over it. The best truth, though, my mom told me before I got married: If you picture your life without (your spouse) and it would be better, then it’s not the right thing, but if you try to picture it and you can’t imagine life without (your spouse) then you are doing the right thing.

If you’ve been following me a while, or been playing Fun Monday, you know my love story. My own parents have been married 40 years. They are a continuous reminder of how you just ’shake it off and step up’ – (there was a story of an old donkey who fell in a hole and the farmer couldnt get him out, so he shoveled dirt on top of him, intending to bury him, well the old donkey just shook it off and stepped up on top of it, and soon he was out of the hole) – yes, there have been hard times, but they make me see how it’s all worth sticking it out in the end. These days it seems all too easy just to give up, but seeing them lets me know that love can exist in turbulent times.

So far, that’s what I’m batting today. The baby woke up early, instead of giving her the pacifier back to see if she’d go back to sleep, my husband got her out (yeah, that automatically means 7 or 8 feedings instead of 6, great!) of her crib while I was frantically peeing. She didnt go immediately back to sleep as she normally does when she wakes up before the sun, so then I was awake. My husband was able to go back to sleep. I had to do laundry because none of my nursing bras were clean.

As my husband waited until the weekend to do his homework, whiling away evening hours while the baby was in bed playing around or watching TV, I’m basically a single parent again until he can get it done. In the meantime, I’m trying to keep her calm, get her fed and cleaned up, pack up everything I possibly can by myself, oh and clean the apartment too.

Looks like the buddy my husband helped move (twice), is magically going to be ‘busy’ or ‘out of town’ when we need him. Again, fabulous! It’s all going SO smoothly. I started cleaning the sliding doors and ran out of windex. Great. I’m already out of the stuff to clean toilets. Not to mention the damn toilets had poop on them when we first got here (yes, it’s still there, I told you I didnt have the stuff to clean the toilets with!). Then I worked on the oven, I had already sprayed it and went to clean it all up. Ran out of one roll of paper towels, tryed to respray it, and ended up inhaling a big bunch of it (whereupon I cussed and my husband made fun of me for it), then I almost sprayed myself in the face with the oven cleaner.

Oh and in the 20 minutes I was planning on having lunch, the baby cried continuously, had a big old nasty smelling poop which of course I was the only one available to go clean up. I had to run the damn thing through the washing machine on its own AND go throw the wipes out in the dumpster, it smelled so bad. I dont know what crawled up her butt and died, but I wish it would come out so I could kill it again.

Now I’m here, because, well, I just knew I wouldnt get more than 2 hours between feedings (she was going 3 and like magic she all the sudden can’t sleep more than 20 minutes at a time) so forget resting at all.

Granted, my husband has gone and gotten the baby out of bed when my hands were dirty or I was in the middle of something, but he just plays with her and gives her to me. It’s not like it’s any big break or something. And we’re moving. Again. And not to our own place, like we wanted.

Some days, it doesn’t seem worth it. Any of it. Anyone else ever had a day where they were batting in negative numbers?

Jenni is hosting a free bow day! Okay, not really, she’s advertising for her blog and a freebie, of course for her friend’s etsy store! Go on over and visit her and comment and gets some pretty bows for your kid’s hair!

Where am I this week? Well, I am trying to drink more water and milk and less soda. I am reading the baby’s cues about whether she is tired or not before attempting to put her in bed because it seems to be time. She still resists some, but once she had a lovey, she calmed down. Must clean the rabbit she had been gnawing on, as it is nasty.

As for being a better wife–well I asked my husband what his problem was –because when I was pregnant he was super nice to me and since the baby was born, well he hasn’t been as nice. Let’s just say I was liking being coddled in the relationship for once. He said that the last couple weeks in particular I had been very rude to him, not saying please and thank you, etc.

Thinking back, well I can’t remember saying or not saying it. I DO remember trying to RUSH to do something and he would deliberately stand in my way and then smile like it was cute. I’m running for the timer beeping like crazy, because the baby is asleep and he stands in my way and no matter how much I try to get around him, he won’t move. I get mad, then he gets REALLY pissed off when I yell at him to get out of the way. In my opinion, he should just get out of my way when something like that happens, or when I’m trying to go get the laundry or whatever. I’m not sure what he was trying to gain by that, but there is plenty of room to maneuver, so I guess it was his way of trying to force me to say excuse me. I’m positive it all started when he had to spend 3 full weeks doing homework all day and night and made me in effect a single parent for all that time. I got used to just moving as fast as possible to be as efficient as possible and now that he’s back ‘in the way’ –I keep trying to do it even when he’s there and that’s when we started clashing. He thinks I’m being rude and I think he’s the one being rude, because it’s obvious I’m in a hurry because there is literally no time to waste in a situation like that, and the potential of waking up the baby does not compare with just simply stepping out of the way, does it?

After we talked about it, I decided to try and be nicer on purpose and it seems he is trying to stay out of my way when I rush to do things. A nice balance is back again, he even helped with with laundry and dinner last night without being asked (I said thank you), and we seem to have simmered down some-I even managed to crack a joke he actually found funny. I think we’re just both severely stressed out. I usually pride myself on our good relationship, good communication, but it doesnt take much to put it off kilter sometimes. Luckily we do find balance once again.

I was watching Biggest Loser last night and they were talking to the youngest contestant on there and they were saying how there’s still a fat kid inside of him, angry, threatened, and feeling bad. I know how that feels, I wasn’t a fat kid, I was the dorky kid, the poor kid, the smart kid, the one the teachers liked, whether I liked them or not. I was respectful, polite. I didn’t cause trouble. Which caused trouble for me with all the other kids. That kid? Well that kid still is inside me, feeling ‘fat’–trying to break down that barrier is really hard. You can lose weight and look in the mirror and see a thin person, but your intelligence and sense of self doesnt really disappear like fat melts away. After this weekend of seeing some of my former frienemies and doing just fine with talking to them, thank you very much, I feel confident that my goal in that sense is being reached. I’m moving beyond all the annoyance of the past and realizing that other people’s opinions of me don’t really matter all that much. Especially people I rarely see who probably don’t think about me very often if at all. I usually don’t think of them unless I do end up ‘going home’–and even then the chance of all those feelings being stirred up is very high. Just need to push the fat out once and for all. I’m getting there.

Yes, that’s a Harry Potter reference. I’m re-reading the series in between, well taking care of the baby. Not much else is getting done. The reason why? Well, we’re moving. Why clean when you can clean/purge and pack at the same time? Right now we’re waiting to hear back from one person and have an appointment to go look at another small house we could move into. Several other places are to call us back.

In the meantime, well let’s just say I’m not motivated a whole lot. It’s been a pretty crappy week, I’ve been tired all week and basically resting whenever she does, if I can. Reading and trying to nap. It is restorative to some level, but I think the stress is just beating me up. I know the move is coming and I’ll be forced to basically pack boxes and wait, there’s not much I can do, Matthew will have to get help to move the big furniture, we can’t both move it, who would take care of the baby? Right, either we leave her unattended in the open apartment while we move furniture or try and put her in a sling, or I guess in the carseat in the truck. None of those are very good options. Luckily our moms are willing to help, but he really needs one of his guy friends to help. He did help one guy move some of his stuff the past month or so, and another one is moving very soon, so we’re hoping he can trade their help for his help when they need it and make it work that way. One guy did offer, so hopefully that will turn out to be how it is.

 I’m just ready for this to be all over with. Our rent will be cheaper, yes Matthew will have to drive more, and be away from home more, but that will happen eventually anyway, as our goal is to be out in the boonies, so we all may as well get used to it. His class will be done as of mid-May so then we’ll have a lot more time together in the evenings and on weekends anyway. Hopefully the weather will be nicer as well. This rainy-causes daily headaches thing is driving me nuts. Being tired and headachy with a cranky baby is not a good combo. Especially not when you’re completely stressed out.

Sayre is this week’s hostess for Fun Monday! She wants to know what inspires us to carry on in our daily drudgery! Be sure to check out the other participants. I stay at home, so my inspiration is very ‘little’!

She makes tasks like folding the laundry……

  and washing the sheets…so much more fun! 

And it doesn’t hurt to have him to share my work with at the end of the day!

Need gifts for 10 of your kids friends that are graduating this year? Skip the weiner dog with marker for all the friends to sign, that’s been done before. Instead, get the grad something practical. For the college bound: a laundry basket, some soap and a $x bill for quarters. Or…grab some of the ‘hershey’s kisses’ from the gourmet part of the candy aisle (they now have them with the little flags that ALL say ‘congratulations’) and order a coffee mug (conveniently printed with a picture of the whole gang or best buds-if they will be parting ways) from a mega-store’s website. You can easily customize with up to 15 pictures on some of the sites. If it’s for your own kid, DON’T write ‘love mom’ on it, but feel free to add a picture of the family pet! Toss the candy in the mug, tuck in a plain bag, and you’re done. Take the money you’d save on a ‘congrats 2009′ bag and put it in the cup or use it to buy a funny card ‘from’ the younger sibling.

Be sure to get a travel cup for the ones commuting to work and a regular ‘ol mug for those who will have time to leisurely drink chug a mug before they leave their college apartment. And, if you’re related to the kid, add some cash or gift certificates to the bookstore where they will attend school or restaurants in the college town. Let them pick out their own t-shirt or pay down their textbooks, they’re expensive.

More savers: combine parties for friends at your church, where families and friends can gather and say goodbye. Split the cost of a cake with the other family, or commit to each bringing a cake for your own guests. Do some punch and leave it at that. Your grad is going to want to celebrate freedom, and visit all their friends’ parties. (We personally went by and flipped the bird to the school, as if the school cared.) Buy ONE pack of napkins (8 ct) that say 2009, and one bag of confetti for the cake table. Layers the napkins with plain white ones (or school colors). Skip the confetti if you’ve got a boy or a girl that’s not sentimental. Everything else is just there to make you spend money!

This year, we have one high schooler and one grade schooler graduating, and basically one a year from here until forever. By the time the last one is out of grade school, the rest will be graduating from high school.